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Questions to ask your child (& a soccer shot)

January 11, 2012


I experienced something today I wasn’t expecting. My son also experienced something today HE wasn’t expecting…

Showing up to a new team, he was smiling. Then, tears. He said he was nervous. I told him I understood and that I have felt nervous in similar, new situations too. And, as recent as a few days ago.

We gave it time. We waited for a minute then we asked for the coach to come over so we could all introduce ourselves.

We met the coach and he proceeded to show us what drill they were doing next.

He stopped crying.

This reminded me? That we, kids and adults, are SO much more alike than we think/normally discuss/normally focus on.

And it also made me think…if we’re so similar, why don’t we hear more of us (parents) asking kids their opinion? About what they worry about? We’re so focused on our worries and thoughts…they have them too.

My parents’ generation at times find this new age-y, funny even, but, in truth, this is what feels good naturally to many of us. What feels respectful and truly loving.

My question is then, why not spend more time focusing on how similar we really are? Then, act from that point?

Yes, we’re our child’s guides and teachers but they are stellar teachers, not to mention, human beings too. And, honestly, we forget that we’re also “supposed” to be building a relationship…a space of relating to one another which takes on a whole new meaning!

As parents we need not be afraid of change…to doing (trying) different things or to DOING things differently, especially if other things aren’t working. We shouldn’t be afraid to ask questions we normally don’t ask or to focus on things we are normally to busy to see. That’s exactly where we should be.

We can get so serious about our “jobs” sometimes, that, we forget, at the core, we’re all beings with the same basic (and grand!) desires, worries and excitement. And that what you and I, and they, need is a relationship not a dictatorship…

To be a parent is indeed one of the biggest responsibilities in the world. And this is why…just as we want them to listen and change, we are being called, every day, to do the same. And, dare I say, be even better at the change and listening than they are.

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves ~ Victor Frankl

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